Okay so what now? This place is where I usually put in my emotions (positive or negative), this is really my home. Well, I was reading tricha's blog and I read this. I was really touched and uhh...kind of kileg when I got to read this..and yon, i realized that it was the same thing I wanted to tell him...understood na naman diba? :D
"wen i had you, it was a proof that GOD really loves me."
So there, Wala lang, I feel so amazed after I read this line. Alam niyo ung after it all...After all the trouble and fights that I've been into and all the problems we had lately...We were still able to get through it..My life gets back to normal again. I am, again, happy and feeling so blessed.
Well lately, i was kind of in hell...kasi left and right yung problems ko. PERSONAL problems. Not only about love problems...basta there are lots of problems..mga pahabol before mag-end un year '07. Super gulo ng buhay ko. My life's suppeeeer messed up. My family's...my friends' ...my life ... his life....OUR lives.
Well if you're going to ask me about my lovelife, I really thought it was over. We were falling and failing. Our relationship was greatly affected, honestly, dahil sa sobrang dami kong problema sa buhay ko, tapos sa sobrang pressure ...stressed na rin siya. So parang feeling ko, sino nalang ang magiging strong para saming dalawa? ... Angulo ng buhay ko... I really didnt know how to deal with things. Well, personally? Parang di ko na nga alam anong uunahin. Yes, I got friends and family and a lot of people whom I can lean on to. Pero parang I also considered na they also have personal problems to deal with and ayoko ng dumagdag. I felt so weak. Parang I didn't know where to start. All I have in mind is that MY LIFE'S MESSED UP and I NEED TO CLEAN MY MESSED-UP-LIFE BEFORE THINGS GET WORSE. Eh yon, sa sobrang confused ko kung saan mag start, things got worse nga. Tapos it was late, saka ko na-realize na these things happened for a reason.
I prayed again, went back to "his" (God's) arms and asked him to guide me to whatever it is that I'm doing because the right direction seems to be sooo unclear during those days. Tapos ayon, different people told me that I can do this, na I should be strong...like that. And I thank them... Tapos un, there's this feeling that pushed me to do what's right. I apologized to people whom I've hurt, admitted my mistakes and patiently started dealing with things in a way na alam kong tama.
I started having him back...I realized that it was a proof that God really loves me. I was really weak and breaking down those days and even if people seems to misunderstand me already, parang I still have somebody else to help me stand up. Not literally na it's kenjie, it's just that parang I feel better when we get back together. Tapos ayon, nalaman ko na paunti2, nasosolve un problem namin...sa family (my grandma's okay na, si papa ok na rin)...sa friends...kahit sa sarili ko...kahit hindi biglaan, little by little, nagiging ok na ang mga bagay2...
Ayon I realized a lot of things, ngayon naniniwala na ako dun sa "BE HAPPY and YOU'LL BE GOOD".. kasi honestly, i wasn't really happy during those days. I felt really depressed and unwanted. Kaya rin siguro I forgot to be good. Tapos right now, kahit papano, I'm happy, now I'm dealing with things na sabi ko nga, in a way na alam kong tama at makakabuti.
Yun, I also want to thank the people who cared, who showed their unconditional love and understanding especially during those days. I was really negative, weak and depressed then, and yet you guys were there. Thank you for believing and understanding me, no matter what. You guys are proven, we might not be that "close" but then again, you guys are really my "true" friends. Thank you for showing me love during the darkest days of my life, kahit through multiply, friendster, YM, text messages and sa personal. THANK YOU. You know who you guys are.
Saka another thing, this might help people din, uhh...Guys, this might be a cliche to everybody but I'm telling you, sobrang true ito. Pinagdaanan ko toh...so trust me. If things seem to fall and fail, don't lose hope and never ever give up your faith. Kasi it's always like this: At first, madaling i-give up yung faith dahil sa sobrang dami ng problems. Minsan nga, you would actually wonder if He really loves you kasi bakit parang sobrang ambigat nung dala mo, tapos parang walang tumutulong sayo (seriously? trust me, i've been there). Pero in the end, you'll realize na everything is a challenge. Especially when you decided to trust him? After a while, pag eventually nawala un problems na dinadala mo, you'll actually realize na you're a better and tougher and stronger individual. Life is tough, but put in mind that you can always be TOUGHER. Well I can say that, kasi now? I can say that I'm a better person. And I guess, this is good enough to start my 2k8 =)
**okay honestly? I'm having goosebumps while doing this. God must be beside me right now. hehe 
